Posts Tagged ‘relationship problem’

Relationship Problems – Dealing With Neediness

So many people today have some kind of relationship problem or another.  But have you ever wondered just WHY so many relationships fail after they seem to be going well right from the start?  Perhaps you are even starting to see the pattern in your own life – you get the guy, things are going great and then all of a sudden after one fight or disagreement, things start to disintegrate.  Or maybe there wasn’t even a fight, things just suddenly started going…downhill.

Well, this may not be the case in EVERY relationship – but – the biggest thing that drives men absolutely NUTS about women is when women act needy or insecure.   The thing is – most women USE neediness and insecurity as a METHOD to get men to pay more attention to them.  Beginning to see the problem?

I know I sure didn’t for most of my dating life.  I had the same pattern – my relationships would be going great, then SOMETHING would happen – nothi8ng major usually, and we would start to drift apart.  The more we drifted, the harder I tried (the needier I became) and the bigger the chasm grew.  I, of course, did not recognize what was happening, and kept acting in the same way.  (You know – they define insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting to get different results!)

I read an eBook then by Christian Carter, hoping to get a little relationship help.  So that is where I learned this.  Anyway – let’s look a little more closely at this relationship problem and see what we can do about it, shall we?

Ok – something happens – maybe you get your feelings hurt, maybe you feel a flash of jealousy, maybe he has his first “boy’s night out” without you – whatever it may be.  This leaves you feeling a little…unsure, uncomfortable, insecure or just plain edgy.   So – as women, we are programmed to believe that men are attracted to us because they want to protect and nurture us (which they DO – but not like this).  I mean, as women, when a baby cries, we pick it up and try to comfort it, right?  Right. 

But when YOU “cry” as an adult, using attention seeking behaviors, the man immediately has alarms going off in his head saying “This chick is NEEDY – GET OUT!”  Not exactly the reaction you were looking for?  I thought not.  Men have highly sensitive “radar” for clingy, needy, and insecure behavior. A woman’s tone of voice, body language or words can quickly tell a man about clingy or insecure feelings a woman is having. Worst of all, when a man picks up on this it often has effects on the long-term potential he sees in his relationship with a woman.

Here are some examples of this needy or insecure behavior:

                 1 - Saying negative things about your past boyfriends and past relationships. 

                2 – Talking about or saying negative things about other girls.

                3- Hanging on a guy or touching him constantly, especially in public.

                4 – Continually wanting to be the center of attention.

                5- Being dramatic and emotional.

What’s worse is that once he SEES this behavior in you, he starts to see it in everything you do, whether it is needy or not.  That’s when things start to disintegrate.  What is also does is kill any attraction he was feeling for you.  That’s terminal in a relationship. 

Now – that is certainly a big list of what NOT to do.  Christian Carter also has a whole book FULL of what TO do in a relationship as well, so if you have not read Catch Him and Keep Him, I suggest you do.  But just becoming AWARE of the negative behaviors that affect your relationship will do wonders for your next one.

Natural And LASTING Attraction – Hear From Christian Carter What It Is And How To Get It!

For many girls, keeping a relationship going can be more difficult than finding one to begin with. Relationships are easy to take to flame once they begin – simply because new love is so exciting your feelings of urgency to be with your new partner? You know what I mean, that incessant desire to see each other, the blazing attraction and sexual urgency and delving deep into each other’s personas with all-night talks, etc.

But what happens to your partnership when these signal fires fade? Does you (or he) start to lose appeal ? Do you begin feeling that connection fade away?

You could even be fighting more, bored or feeling unappreciated. Most people think that there is no way around this – it is just something that “happens” in every partnership, and you just have to deal with it. The fact of the matter is this is by no means the way your partnership has to go and/or remain. Christian Carter of Catch Him and Keep Him has some INCREDIBLE tips on what to do to keep your natural and lasting attraction ALIVE between you and your mate.

According to Christian Carter, to keep your partnership really fresh is to keep it fun, unpredictable and of course interesting. You can do this easily – by behaving in ways that exemplify these needs. The biggest mistake that most girls make is becoming lazy, settled or even taking for granted their partnership. That’s the kiss of death, my friend.

You can also need to understand that YOUR source of fulfillment cannot come from this partnership alone. You have to define yourself as an individual in order to become a strong and stable pillar within your partnership. If you cannot maintain your own interests and likes and dislikes – your partnership is quickly going to lose its flavor to him. After all, you would not want to date….yourself, right? Be your own person, and if that means taking time away from him to pursue your own hobbies , so be it! Take a night a week to go do YOUR thing, and I bet your partnership will be stronger for it.

Another tip is to become curious about each other again! You may have been together now for a couple months or a couple years – whatever – there are things you still do not know about him. Begin reflecting on your childhood and try to bring him in to a conversation about his own. Ask him to get involved in a project with you, like a book review, a movie review or a restaurant review.

What were some fun things that you two used to do before things started getting boring? What attracted him to you in the first place? Was it your spontaneity, your sense of humor, the way you tackled the school mascot and made him run for his life? Revisit those things, bring them back into your partnership.

Remember, in order to Catch Him and Keep Him – for good – you need to give it your all. Keep things fresh and alive – make your partner’s love for you the envy of other women! Most of all – keep learning. Keep learning every day about relationships, attraction and what makes men tick so YOU can be the best that you can be in this relationship. To learn more about Natural and Lasting Attraction, click here.