Posts Tagged ‘Relationship Advice’

Learning to be the Cool Girl – Dating Advice from Christian Carter

One of the biggest problems I see in dating and relationships today is many women drive their boyfriend away with immature behavior – and the opposite of this is being what Christian Carter calls a “cool girl”.  Immature behavior in a relationship often stems from the right intentions – such as caring about him, wanting to be with him, etc, but it is expressed in a bad way.

Some ways that good intentions are expressed in bad ways in a relationship are jealousy, obsession, mistrust and anger.  Jealousy can spring from love – you love your boyfriend so much that you start to become insecure – what of he leaves me/likes another girl/wants her?  You begin to worry and obsess and soon that love or like turns into jealousy, anger an mistrust.  Obsession, much like jealousy, can stem from love, but it can also stem from a desire to control your man and what he does, says, thinks or wants.  Mistrust is often directly related to your own insecurity, but that comes from jealousy and obsession as well – especially if you are becoming controlling of your man – often times he will begin to lie to you not to cover up anything truly bad that he has done, but to avoid fights and arguments over what he wants or does.  Anger is going to happen in any relationship – however, its expression can make or break your relationship.  If you are an “anger-in” person, you will keep your anger inside until you finally burst, and then a big scene will ensue.   If you are an “anger-out” person, you may hit, throw things, swear and scream when you are angry.  If you are emotionally mature, you will express your anger constructively, such as using “I feel” statements and active listening.

So how do all these bad things relate to what Christian Carter calls a “cool girl”?  Well – a cool girl is essentially an emotionally mature girl who does not participate in behaviors like I mentioned above.  A cool girl does not get jealous – she understands her own worth and that if her man has a friend that is a girl, she can trust him – and if she can’t trust him not to cheat, she doesn’t need him.  According to Christian Carter, a cool girl goes with the flow and rolls with the ;punches – and if she doesn’t like what is going on, she doesn’t need to make a big scene, she simply says “Hey, I’m outta here, I have other things I would rather be doing”.  There is no animosity or implied guilt there, it is justa simple statement of fact.

Here are some “Cool Girl” Do’s right from the Catch Him and Keep Him eBook (p 140).

• Don’t complain much or talk about  things that are impossible for anyone to solve given the current situation.
• Bring funny positive thoughts and feelings to situations.
• Don’t have to always be in control.
• Be willing to go with the flow when it comes to social things, but make assertions when they have opinions and ideas.
• Cool girls have options and things to do that keep them busy and content, so they don’t feel like they’re left out if they’re not invited to something.
• Cool girls don’t try and make a man do something if he says he doesn’t want to.
• According to Christian Carter, cool girls don’t require or ask too much from a man at any one time. They know there’s always tomorrow.
• Don’t require a man to always validate their emotions and ideas.

These are a few tips on what a cool girl does from the Catch Him and Keep Him eBook by Christian Carter.  There are tons more tips in there on this subject.  But do you see the overlying pattern here?  A “cool girl” in a relationship is easy to get along with, mature, not controlling and able to be her own person separate from her boyfriend.  These are traits that men LOVE when they are dating someone – and will literally have him saying to you, “You are different than anyone I have ever met before”.    Wouldn’t it be nice to hear that?  To be in a fulfilling, mutually beneficial, sane relationship without all the negative emotion and drama?  By transforming yourself into an emotionally mature woman, you can do your part in this – and realize that the other half of the relationship is up to him.

Surviving Infidelity – Relationship Advice for Women

Surviving infidelity is a touchy subject in any relationship that has experienced it - and many women seek relationship advice in order to deal with this heart and deal breaking occurrence. Whether or not the infidelity is a physical affair, a breach of trust or an emotional affair, the devastation and hurt will sunder hearts and trust with equal force and brutality.

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Dating Advice For Women – Why Should He Love You?

One of the number one dating advice questions that women ask (or relationship advice, however you want to look at it) is this: How do I get my man to fall in love with me?  SO many women ask this question, and yet, the question itself is all wrong.  You cannot make a man fall in love with you, become your boyfriend or husband (well, unless you blackmail him!).

The real question should be “WHY should he fall in love with me?”.

Many women, when looking for a prospective mate, have a laundry list of things that he should or should not have.  They of course want him to be funny, strong, tall, handsome, rich, no spitting, smoking, chewing and loves his mama.  But not more than her!

That’s a lot for a guy to live up to – ya know?  But what do YOU have to offer him in return?  Why should he choose YOU?  Well, let’s talk about some attributes that men really like in women.  In other words – this is HIS laundry list, what can YOU give him in return?

First of all, let’s talk about character.  No one wants to be with someone who lacks character, integrity and personality.  Some of the qualities tat men are looking for are as follows:

1 – Honesty, in BOTH words and actions.  One of a man’s greatest pet peeves is a woman who tersely replies, “Nothing.” When he asks what is wrong.  Be honest in both your feelings and your wants and needs.

2- Kindness – men equate kindness with love.  Despite the women’s lib movement J men still want women to be kind and generous, things like being rude to your waitress or sales clerk are a total turn-off to a man.

3- Be mature and in control of yourself.  Men do not like women who have temper tantrums.  Do not be moody, needy or pouty.

4- Spontaneity – men love spontaneous and fun women.  Be open to new adventure and fun and never forget your sense of humor.  This is something that Christian Carter hits on in Catch Him and Keep Him eBook, it is one of the biggest things that can keep the spark in your relationship for the whole lifetime of the relationship.

This list, of course, can go on for miles, but keep in mind the nature of these traits – they are all basically centered around truth, kindness and basically a love of self.  These are foundations stones of strong character.  You have to love yourself and allow yourself to experience these things without reserve.

Another thing that men love is a woman’s ability to enjoy the things HE likes.  Wouldn’t you just EAT IT UP if a man you were dating became interested in your pottery class or your love of reading?  Imagine if you could do the same for him.  By being open and ready for HIS likes, I am betting that he will be more open and ready to experience YOUR favorite things as well.

One thing that kind of goes hand in hand with this is the ability to have a HOBBY and have some fun without him.  DO NOT base your happiness on his.  Let him know that you have a life outside of him and that you do not NEED him to be happy and content.  This shows confidence and maturity and is the exact opposite of needy behavior.  Needy behavior, according to Christian Carter, is the death knell of a relationship – it is men’s biggest turnoff.

A fourth thing men love – self-reliance.  Are you able to manage your own household?  Can you change a tire?  Run your own grill, computer, finances, etc?  You won’t have to do these things for yourself forever if you find a mate, but men love it when a woman CAN.

Lastly, take care of yourself.  You do not have to be a model to attract a man.  But YOU know what your best attributes are, use them!  Take care of yourself, keep clean, healthy, and stay interested in the temple that is your body.  It’s the only one you will ever have!

If you want more dating advice for women, check out Christian Carter’s eBook, Catch Him and Keep Him.  It is full of advice on the many facets of finding a good man and being able to keep him.  Dating and relationships can be tricky, and finding good relationship advice can be even harder.  Don’t miss your chance to get on top of the game now!