Posts Tagged ‘dating tips for women’

Getting Men to Commit – Christian Carter’s Perspective

I frequently get questions like the one below about how to make your man commit to a relationship.  Well, ladies, here is the scoop – you can’t make him commit.  But, and Christian Carter says this all the time – you CAN make your boundaries clear, the consequences clear, stick to your guns and get what YOU want out of your dating life or your relationship.  Read on for more….

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Hi Sarah

Thank you for your emails & here is my question. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and he still won’t commit. He says all the usual stuff, I don’t have time, I’m too busy, I don’t want a relationship with anyone blah blah blah – and I believed him – until – 2 weeks ago when I found out that when we were broken up last year for 4 months, he joined a dating agency, paid $2000 for a 6 month membership, went on dates with 6 girls, went on 2^nd dates with each of them, he wanted more from them but they didn’t want him – ha ha. I also found out that he wanted somebody younger, and he wants to have more kids ( I knew that) but he wants children with someone who doesn’t already have kids. When I found all this out I confronted him (I didn’t tell him how I found out) & he admitted that he did want a serious relationship last year. I can’t believe a word he says. Since then I have stopped being his ‘girlfriend’ (he keeps telling me he doesn’t want a girlfriend) & I have stopped doing everything. I don’t cook for him, have sex with him, help him with his problems  etc etc. He came over last night, annoyed that I hadn’t organized dinner (do you believe?) so he brought dinner with him. When we went to bed he tried to have sex with me & I said no – nicely. He kept trying I kept saying no. I said give me what I want & I’ll give you what you want. He kept saying, what do you want? And I kept saying you know what I want (he knows I want a relationship). Then he got really mad (do you believe?) and went to sleep. He woke up this morning at 6am and tried to leave at 6.30am (Sunday) I wasn’t happy of course and let him know it. He was still really angry this morning. Boo hoo – he’s had it too good for too long – he’s been spoiled. I have looked after him & his children, done everything – and two years on and no commitment in sight. So Sarah – my question is – what do I do? I don’t want to be with anyone else. He has his own business & does very well financially with that, he is a very good devoted father and has other good qualities. I have decided that if doesn’t commit to me by the end of May I am going to move away and I have told him that I am going to move away but he doesn’t know when. Please help.

Kind regards

A Loyal Reader

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Hi Loyal Reader –

First of all – let me commend you and say that you are on the right track with this.  He won’t commit to you, so it is perfectly fair for you to withhold sex from him and make yourself unavailable for the creature comforts he is looking for.  However, let me give you a little more direction on how to do this in a constructive and mature fashion.

Dating and relationships are never easy, especially when your boyfriend wants one thing and you want another.  This is where a lot of women go wrong, though, according to Christian Carter, and they react in a fashion that could be a little more mature and constructive.  So let’s go over what you are doing:

A) You have stopped having sex with him. Good job!  And I don’t mean that because it hurts him – I mean that because as a strong, confidant woman, you should not be having sex with ANYONE until and unless they agree to a log-term committed relationship with you.  It’s about self-respect, not hurting him.

B) You have stopped cooking for him and seeing to his other comforts.  Again – good!  But, you are doing this for the wrong reasons, or so it seems to me.  Christian Carter’s philosophy on dating and relationships is all about YOU and respecting yourself.  It seems to me that you are doing this to be hurtful to him because you are angry.  That’s not the right reason, and the effect is NOT the same.  You DO need to stop catering to him, absolutely!  However, you need to take care of YOURSELF in his stead.  You need to see to your needs – which includes – DATING OTHER MEN.

Notice I said DATING – not sleeping with – but conversing with, going out on dates, dinner, movies, fun times, to see who else is out there and to emphasize that if your boyfriend is not going to be committed to you, then you are not going to wait for him to make up his mind, you are going to go out and find what YOU want.

So – you need to stop being mad at him and showing that anger by pouting, giving him the silent treatment or other ways that we women tend to express ourselves.  We do that – by the way – because we think that if we SHOW him how angry we are and how hurt we are that he will actually SEE it (which half the time he doesn’t even see it, and the other half he has no idea what to do with it) and he will fix it.  No – if you want to show him that you are not going to put up with his unwillingness to commit to you – then do that by dating other men and seeing to your own needs in a mature and adult manner.

Thank you for writing in with your dating advice and relationship questions, I really appreciate it!  And in the words of Christian Carter of Catch Him and Keep Him…

Best of luck in life and love,

Sarah

Dating Advice For Women – Why Should He Love You?

One of the number one dating advice questions that women ask (or relationship advice, however you want to look at it) is this: How do I get my man to fall in love with me?  SO many women ask this question, and yet, the question itself is all wrong.  You cannot make a man fall in love with you, become your boyfriend or husband (well, unless you blackmail him!).

The real question should be “WHY should he fall in love with me?”.

Many women, when looking for a prospective mate, have a laundry list of things that he should or should not have.  They of course want him to be funny, strong, tall, handsome, rich, no spitting, smoking, chewing and loves his mama.  But not more than her!

That’s a lot for a guy to live up to – ya know?  But what do YOU have to offer him in return?  Why should he choose YOU?  Well, let’s talk about some attributes that men really like in women.  In other words – this is HIS laundry list, what can YOU give him in return?

First of all, let’s talk about character.  No one wants to be with someone who lacks character, integrity and personality.  Some of the qualities tat men are looking for are as follows:

1 – Honesty, in BOTH words and actions.  One of a man’s greatest pet peeves is a woman who tersely replies, “Nothing.” When he asks what is wrong.  Be honest in both your feelings and your wants and needs.

2- Kindness – men equate kindness with love.  Despite the women’s lib movement J men still want women to be kind and generous, things like being rude to your waitress or sales clerk are a total turn-off to a man.

3- Be mature and in control of yourself.  Men do not like women who have temper tantrums.  Do not be moody, needy or pouty.

4- Spontaneity – men love spontaneous and fun women.  Be open to new adventure and fun and never forget your sense of humor.  This is something that Christian Carter hits on in Catch Him and Keep Him eBook, it is one of the biggest things that can keep the spark in your relationship for the whole lifetime of the relationship.

This list, of course, can go on for miles, but keep in mind the nature of these traits – they are all basically centered around truth, kindness and basically a love of self.  These are foundations stones of strong character.  You have to love yourself and allow yourself to experience these things without reserve.

Another thing that men love is a woman’s ability to enjoy the things HE likes.  Wouldn’t you just EAT IT UP if a man you were dating became interested in your pottery class or your love of reading?  Imagine if you could do the same for him.  By being open and ready for HIS likes, I am betting that he will be more open and ready to experience YOUR favorite things as well.

One thing that kind of goes hand in hand with this is the ability to have a HOBBY and have some fun without him.  DO NOT base your happiness on his.  Let him know that you have a life outside of him and that you do not NEED him to be happy and content.  This shows confidence and maturity and is the exact opposite of needy behavior.  Needy behavior, according to Christian Carter, is the death knell of a relationship – it is men’s biggest turnoff.

A fourth thing men love – self-reliance.  Are you able to manage your own household?  Can you change a tire?  Run your own grill, computer, finances, etc?  You won’t have to do these things for yourself forever if you find a mate, but men love it when a woman CAN.

Lastly, take care of yourself.  You do not have to be a model to attract a man.  But YOU know what your best attributes are, use them!  Take care of yourself, keep clean, healthy, and stay interested in the temple that is your body.  It’s the only one you will ever have!

If you want more dating advice for women, check out Christian Carter’s eBook, Catch Him and Keep Him.  It is full of advice on the many facets of finding a good man and being able to keep him.  Dating and relationships can be tricky, and finding good relationship advice can be even harder.  Don’t miss your chance to get on top of the game now!

Attraction in the world of dating

Attraction in the world of dating is often a mystery to women.  Most women have no idea how attraction really works, or, if they think they DO have an idea, they have it all wrong.

Do you know what attraction really is and how it REALLY works?  Do you believe that attraction is a choice?  What is the POINT of attraction?  These are all great questions, and, unfortunately, not questions that we often think about as a woman – most of us take for granted that we know, when we don’t.

Allow me to boil it all down for you into a couple sentences (If you want a GREAT explanation, go see Christian Carter‘s Natural and Lasting Attraction Program).  Attraction exists to assist the reproduction of mankind – obviously.  But attraction works on a level of selection that most people don’t even know.  Your body is tuned to the alpha male – the male most likely to pass on good, healthy, strong and dominant genes to his offspring.  Remember Darwin’s theory of survival of the fittest?  That’s it right there, in a nutshell.

So – perhaps you are wondering why you have always been attracted t the bad boy?  The bad boy is the one who ACTS like the alpha male!  Many times it’s just a sham, because the bad boys end up treating women like dirt, but he gets that initial attraction reaction from you because he seems like an alpha male.  There is more on that in the Natural and Lasting Attraction program.

There are MANY ways to spark attraction with a man – some of them work a LOT better than others, and some of them that women seem trained to do from birth are downright WRONG.

One – and only ONE of the myriad ways to spark attraction in a man is by playing hard to get.  Playing hard to get is a classic pattern of behavior that works for several reasons. Some women don’t like the idea of “playing hard to get” because it seems manipulative. It seems insincere. It seems like a game, and none of us want to make the dating game even more difficult than it already is.

The thing is, though, that men need to feel ATTRACTION and INTEREST in you.  And – they even want to have a little fun.  Want a guy to think about you constantly?  Don’t have sex with him.  Be unavailable.

It’s counterintuitive, I know.  You think, if I want him to think about me, then I better BE there for him to MISS me when I am not there.  Actually, the opposite is true – anticipation can do wonders for attraction.  And, being “hard to get” automatically implies your own scarcity, so it increases the rarity factor enhancing your attraction.  In other words, you are a hot commodity, and not ready available for the average Wal-Mart shopper.

The key is in holding back a detail in a playful and intentional way at the first opportunity, whether it’s your age, profession, or even your name. Make things up in an obvious way for fun!  (I.e. he asks you what you do for a living and you tell him you are a rodeo clown or a ninja assassin).  If a man is relating to you through a puzzle or mystery, he’s HOOKED.  Then you have reversed the roles, taken the lead for yourself, and now he is the one wanting something you have – knowledge and information about YOU.

So, if you are interested in attracting a man or maintaining a relationship with a man, attraction is certainly something you want to learn about.  This article is only the tip of the iceberg – if you really want to master attraction, and then check out Christian Carter’s Natural and Lasting Attraction program.