Posts Tagged ‘dating advice’

Get What YOU Want Out of Your Relationship

One of the most common relationship questions that women have is “How do I tell where my relationship is going?  How do I know if he feels the same things I do and wants the same things?”  It’s a horrible place to be in – that limbo between a real relationship and just “dating”, isn’t it?  Well, let’s talk about what to do to get you OUT of that limbo and into a solid and mature relationship.

In a relationship, new or old, the best position to be in is one where your man is clearly ATTRACTED to you – where he wants to be with you, spend time with you and really participate in the relationship.  I know, you are thinking, “Tell me something I don’t know!”

Do you know how to tell the difference between physical attraction and a true, genuine CONNECTION?  Many women mistake the physical attraction a man feels for them as a signal that a man wants to really be in a relationship.  That’s a dangerous mistake to make, but all too common.

Here’s the thing – for men – he can share attraction with you, be intimate and caring and really seeming like he is connecting with you, but unless he feels that attraction on a DEEPER LEVEL than physically, it will fade away, and you are left in that horrible limbo.

What can a woman DO to create that kind of attraction on a deeper level?  First, you have to get your man out of his man-bred logical thinking.  You have to reach him in a place inside him that goes way beyond that – which may be something he has never experienced before you.   YOU may have never experienced it either – if you have never had a good, lasting relationship, I’m betting you never have.

Most women who are unsure of their relationship status and don’t know where things are will be asking themselves several different questions.  1) Why isn’t he interested in talking and moving our relationship forward?  2) Why is he afraid of a commitment?  3) Why didn’t he call me/come over/text me…?

What do all these questions have in common?    Two things.  First – they are all NEGATIVE and second, they are all about HIM.  This does two things – it attracts your own negativity, which gets projected then into the world around you (and into your man!) AND it relieves YOU of the need to take responsibility for your part in the relationship/commitment issue.

I’m betting you were thinking what I was going to tell you what to change in HIM, right?  Wrong.  Everything YOU do as a person, every relationship you are in, every situation you encounter has ONE thing in common – YOU.  YOU can only change YOU.  YOU can only take responsibility for YOUR actions.  YOU can only show others your example and encourage them by your own actions.  Do you see what I am saying?

So what kind of questions do you need to ask yourself?  How about these…What does it take for my man to want to commit?  What would he want from the relationship?   What can I do to help him move forward in this relationship?

This way, you are considering his needs, and without ASKING him the answers to these questions, try putting yourself in his shoes.  Has he had bad experiences? Perhaps a jealous or untrusting past partner?  A bad relationship with his mother or father?  Does he have all single friends?  Does he want a family?

But finally – WHAT IMPACT do these things have on him?  Maybe having a psycho ex-girlfriend has made him REALLY gun-shy of an untrusting partner.  Do you do what you can to HELP that, or not?  Do you SHOW him (not tell him) that you trust him?  Or do you forget about that and fall into attention seeking patterns when you think he might be out with the guys or even eyeballing a waitress at the local Hooters?

Do you see what I am saying?  If you get yourself into a pattern of trying to understand him and HIS needs in a relationship, I guarantee you that you are going to come out on top in this.  Show a man this kind of CONNECTION, and that attraction he has for you will deepen into the gut level attraction needed for starting and maintaining a serious relationship.  He will start showing YOU the same kind of kindness, respect and understanding that you show him if you lead him by YOUR example.

In other words – my mother always says you TEACH people how to treat you.

And my mom is right.  (Yes, I am sending her this article!)

If you want to learn more about true attraction and how to spark it then maintain it, please see Christian Carter’s program Natural and Lasting Attraction.  It is FULL of fabulous relationship advice and invaluable to women who want to know how to keep their current relationship from failing.

Attraction in the world of dating

Attraction in the world of dating is often a mystery to women.  Most women have no idea how attraction really works, or, if they think they DO have an idea, they have it all wrong.

Do you know what attraction really is and how it REALLY works?  Do you believe that attraction is a choice?  What is the POINT of attraction?  These are all great questions, and, unfortunately, not questions that we often think about as a woman – most of us take for granted that we know, when we don’t.

Allow me to boil it all down for you into a couple sentences (If you want a GREAT explanation, go see Christian Carter‘s Natural and Lasting Attraction Program).  Attraction exists to assist the reproduction of mankind – obviously.  But attraction works on a level of selection that most people don’t even know.  Your body is tuned to the alpha male – the male most likely to pass on good, healthy, strong and dominant genes to his offspring.  Remember Darwin’s theory of survival of the fittest?  That’s it right there, in a nutshell.

So – perhaps you are wondering why you have always been attracted t the bad boy?  The bad boy is the one who ACTS like the alpha male!  Many times it’s just a sham, because the bad boys end up treating women like dirt, but he gets that initial attraction reaction from you because he seems like an alpha male.  There is more on that in the Natural and Lasting Attraction program.

There are MANY ways to spark attraction with a man – some of them work a LOT better than others, and some of them that women seem trained to do from birth are downright WRONG.

One – and only ONE of the myriad ways to spark attraction in a man is by playing hard to get.  Playing hard to get is a classic pattern of behavior that works for several reasons. Some women don’t like the idea of “playing hard to get” because it seems manipulative. It seems insincere. It seems like a game, and none of us want to make the dating game even more difficult than it already is.

The thing is, though, that men need to feel ATTRACTION and INTEREST in you.  And – they even want to have a little fun.  Want a guy to think about you constantly?  Don’t have sex with him.  Be unavailable.

It’s counterintuitive, I know.  You think, if I want him to think about me, then I better BE there for him to MISS me when I am not there.  Actually, the opposite is true – anticipation can do wonders for attraction.  And, being “hard to get” automatically implies your own scarcity, so it increases the rarity factor enhancing your attraction.  In other words, you are a hot commodity, and not ready available for the average Wal-Mart shopper.

The key is in holding back a detail in a playful and intentional way at the first opportunity, whether it’s your age, profession, or even your name. Make things up in an obvious way for fun!  (I.e. he asks you what you do for a living and you tell him you are a rodeo clown or a ninja assassin).  If a man is relating to you through a puzzle or mystery, he’s HOOKED.  Then you have reversed the roles, taken the lead for yourself, and now he is the one wanting something you have – knowledge and information about YOU.

So, if you are interested in attracting a man or maintaining a relationship with a man, attraction is certainly something you want to learn about.  This article is only the tip of the iceberg – if you really want to master attraction, and then check out Christian Carter’s Natural and Lasting Attraction program.

3 Steps to Better Your Relationship – TODAY!

Relationships can be tough – and finding good relationship advice can be even harder.  Are you looking to find some healing within your relationship?  Do you feel like there is a chasm opening up between you and your boyfriend or husband?  Well, keep reading, because I can show you what to do.

I can testify to this, because this has worked wonders in my own marriage, and it is advice I got straight from Christian Carter.  This is all about breaking down the barriers of ignorance in a relationship – in YOUR relationship – and learning to TRULY connect with your man. 

It is very simple – seek to understand and YOU will be understood.  I know – it sounds pretty Zen-like, but trust me, it works.  This is why…

When you are experiencing problems in your relationship, it is more than likely because you do not understand something he has done, or he does not understand something you have done.  The worst part is – half the time, you don’t even know you are misinterpreting something! 

This method has been more valuable to me in my relationship with my husband than any other single piece of relationship advice. When you are seeking to understand what your partner is really doing, thinking or feeling, you are opening yourself up to a much broader perspective – which leaves you with many more options and solutions.

When you are putting your perspective onto an action he is doing – what you are doing is judging him and basing all your reactions on your own personal view or bias.  But do you really know what happened?  Let me tell you distinctly – no, you do not.

I have been married for years, and after hearing Christian Carter’s advice in his Catch Him and Keep Him eBook, I discovered a HUGE misunderstanding in our relationship.  We have 3 children, two of them are very young.  Whenever one of the children would get hurt – my husband would get IRATE.  He would get SO mad, I hated it.  I felt like he was mad at me for letting it happen.

The truth was though is that once I talked to him, I learned the real reason.  He got mad because he got SCARED.   Anger at fear is a typical male reaction, and he never even realized how his anger was hurting me – because he assumed I knew why he was mad.  I thought I did, but I was wrong. 

So – how do you DO this?  I will show you.  Here are three simple steps you can take today to begin to understand your man and strengthen your relationship.

First – you need to be in the PRESENT only.  You must let go of all the previous hurts and grudges you harbor.  Release your expectations of your man and your relationship.  You must begin this with a clean slate.

Second, seek to understand the person your man is.  You can do this by asking yourself a series of questions. What’s important to him? (i.e., for the man, it may be friends, work, adventure, freedom)  What does he like and not like?  What does he want from me?

 Strive for some insight into what he really IS, and then move onto the feeling stage.   This is where you walk a mile or two in his moccasins.  Pretend you are him and try to take on his feelings, his opinions and his experiences.  You then ask yourself (him) in his shoes when you come to him with a problem. 

1- How does this make me feel and react?  (If you are asking him for a deeper commitment, does it make him scared, anxious, unsure, happy?  Does it make him ask how he will provide for you?)
2- What do I care about most?  (Does he wonder about your sex life, babies, problems that are already occurring in your relationship?)
3- What are the pros and cons?  (What does he see as the solution, or the advantages and disadvantages to the solution or opportunity?)

What this will do is bring you into the heart of your man and give you a MUCH better viewpoint – you can see HIM and you can see YOU.  It will help you maintain objectivity and help you to ask the right questions when he seems to be clamming up. 

I got all this from Christian Carter, reading his Catch Him and Keep Him eBook and listening to his programs for relationship advice.  If you want more relationship advice, check Christian Carter out now!